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"The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it." - Theodore Roosevelt
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Companies usually plan team outing and arranges for games to bring personnel together. They arrange for participative indoor and outdoor games, some of which are portable activity. Some of the most common games include:
The best leader is the one who does not believe in hindering employees’ work and let them do the work the way they want to.
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When we face a temptation, we must not head straight into it, thinking that God will save us. We have the responsibility to live with common sense, caution,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and prudence. To live a reckless life and expect God to save us regardless of how irresponsible we act is to put God to the test. Thus, if we purposefully go to a certain place that we know will tempt us to commit sins, such as going to a strip club where people engage in fornication, and expect God to protect us,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], we would be testing God, something we must avoid doing at all times. So whenever possible, we must avoid things and places that greatly tempt our lusts.
Yes, God's Word is "the way of escape, that you may be able to endure" and prevail over your temptations,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], anytime! (1 Corinthians 10:14) So next time when you're tempted, you'll know to where to turn.
Tempted to insult someone back for insulting you? Recall: "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander, be put away from you, with all malice." (Ephesians 4:31)
When our strongest needs for life's necessities, such as for food and clothing, tempt us to do something against God's will,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], such as stealing or committing robbery, we must turn our attention from our physical needs to our spiritual needs: the need to obey God's will. Our spiritual need is the true need, because when we are able to satisfy this need, we will be satisfied eternally, for those who do the will of God will have an eternal sacred relationship with God that no one and nothing can take away from us. On the other hand,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], to satisfy a physical need by disobeying God is to satisfy a temporary need in the expense of our spiritual need. When we satisfy our physical need by doing something against God's will, we will jeopardize our relationship with God. Thus, if we are placed between the choice to meet our temporal needs and the choice to meet our eternal spiritual needs, we must choose to meet our spiritual needs over our physical needs. Of course, if we can meet our physical needs without having to fall for a temptation, then there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.
On a wintry morning, shoppers scuffled through the streets of New York, wining in and out of crowds. Amid the crowd was a young woman walking along the shops with a slight frown. She looked at the toys displayed in the windows, but quickly turned away with a sigh. She just did not have the money to buy them for her two kids,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], not even for this Christmas season. After her ex-husband had walked out on her, she could only provide food on the table; and at days,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], even that had been hard to do. Then something from the corner of her eye caught her attention. She moved toward the brown object lying by an Italian restaurant. A wallet. She opened it,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and blinked. A wad of cash. She fingered through it and calculated that it could pay off this month's rent; maybe even the next month's. If nothing else, it would be able to supply more than decent presents for her kids. She rummaged through the wallet and found a drivers license, which showed an address in a wealthy community. She could take some of the money and drop the wallet off with the police; the owner of the wallet definitely wouldn't miss his missing money. What a great temptation she held in her hands!
So how can we overcome temptations? To help us answer this question, let us see how Jesus Christ overcame his own temptations, so we can learn from the example he has set for us. Jesus' account is found in Matthew 4:1-11:
That common thread is the Word of God. Each time, Jesus used the Word of God (the Bible) to fight his temptation...and won. Thus, whenever we meet a temptation, we must remember what God's Word says, and apply that to our situation. Even though the Bible was written thousands of years ago (the earliest portion is about 3,500 years old), its principles are ageless, and therefore, they can be applied to any circumstance no matter where we are or what we do.
Tempted to steal? Remember: "Let him who stole steal no more; but rather let him labor, working with his hands the thing that is good, that he may have something to give to him who has need." (Ephesians 4:2
As you think it over, let's talk about temptation. "Temptation" is something or someone that entices or allures someone to do something that is against God's will. People can be tempted due to their personal want or need. A temptation can be harmless in itself, such as the wad of cash in the wallet that the woman found in our story. At other times, a temptation can be evil in itself, such as pornography.
The Bible says, "Let no man say when he is tempted, 'I am tempted by God,' for God can't be tempted by evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each one is tempted,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], when he is drawn away by his own lust, and enticed. Then the lust, when it has conceived, bears sin; and the sin, when it is full grown, brings forth death." (James 1:13-15, WEB) This tells us:
a) God never tempts anyone to do evil
b) Only the person who gives in to temptation is to blame
c) A person is tempted when something entices his desires or lusts. But if he ignores his lusts, he will not commit any sin. However, if his lusts overcome him and he falls for the temptation, then he has sinned. Then the sin leads to spiritual death (separation from God). So if the woman in our story took some money from the wallet, she would be overcome by the temptation, thus committing the sin of stealing (Exodus 20:15). However,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], if she returned the wallet without taking a dime from it, she would overcome the temptation and remain acceptable in God's eyes.
By Dr. Shirley Cheng
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Here, we have three recorded temptations that Jesus victoriously overcame. The lessons we can learn from them are:
Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. When he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was hungry afterward. The tempter came and said to him, "If you are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread."
But he answered, "It is written, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.'"
Then the devil took him into the holy city. He set him on the pinnacle of the temple, and said to him, "If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written, 'He will put his angels in charge of you.’ and,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], 'On their hands they will bear you up, so that you don't dash your foot against a stone.'"
Jesus said to him, "Again, it is written, 'You shall not test the Lord, your God.'"
Again, the devil took him to an exceedingly high mountain, and showed him all the kingdoms of the world, and their glory. He said to him, "I will give you all of these things, if you will fall down and worship me."
Then Jesus said to him, "Get behind me, Satan! For it is written, 'You shall worship the Lord your God, and you shall serve him only.'"
Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and served him.
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2) The second temptation involved faith in God. Jesus was tempted to throw himself down from the pinnacle of the temple in order to express his faith in God. But as pious as it seems, this is actually an act to put God to the test, to see just how faithful God is when it comes to saving His people. Testing God is a grave sin. Does what is created have the right to test its Creator? Even though God promises to help us overcome our temptations, we have no right to test His promise. Thus,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Jesus quoted from another verse of the Scriptures: "You shall not test the Lord, your God." (Matthew 4:7 from Deuteronomy 6:16)
Tempted by a married woman's charms? Heed Jesus' words: "I tell you that everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." (Matthew 5:2
If we are given the chance to receive great material riches in the expense of the exclusive worship of the true God Yahweh, then we must choose God over the riches. No worldly riches can ever surpass the value of the eternal wealth: a sacred relationship with God and Jesus in God's forthcoming Kingdom on Earth.
1) The first temptation involved human need, the strongest force that pulls a person into a temptation's trap. After Jesus fasted forty days, he was naturally very hungry. Taking advantage of his hunger, the devil tempted Jesus to turn stones into bread to satisfy his need. Since Jesus was to live a life solely dependent on God, to meet his needs on his own by turning stones into bread would be against God's will for him. But Jesus overcame the temptation by focusing his true need on God and God's Word. To fight off the tempter, he quoted from the Scriptures: "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God." (Matthew 4:4 from Deuteronomy 8:3)
Every one of us has faced temptation at least once in our lives. There is no unique temptation, even though our situations may be unique; all types of temptation are common to humanity (1 Corinthians 10:13). But just because all of us encounter temptations does not mean that we will always be overcome. In fact, "God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation also make the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." (1 Corinthians 10:14)
What would you do if you were in her shoes? Would you be overcome by the temptation and take the money, or would you overcome the temptation and give back every penny to the rightful owner?
3) The third temptation involved one's ultimate devotion and worship of the only true God. Jesus was tempted with the world's kingdoms, which would belong to him if he bowed down to the devil only once. However, he knew that "You shall worship the Lord your God, and you shall serve him only," which he quoted from God's Word (Matthew 4:10 from Deuteronomy 6:13). Since there's only one true God, and that's Yahweh, then only He should be worshipped, exclusively. Thus, Jesus gave up the world's riches when he refused to perform a single act of worship of the tempter. He overcame the temptation by focusing on his ultimate purpose in life: to glorify God alone, not the devil, and not even himself.
Now, notice that there's a common thread running throughout Jesus' defense in all three temptations. Can you tell what it is?
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In February 2004 Derek Eastman and I were invited as guests at the annual dinner of The Bushido Za Zen International Society by its Chairman Mr Arnold Davies Hanshi an old student of Kenshiro Abbe Sensei and a close friend of my own good friend Bill Woods Sensei.

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In my experience when people begin their journey into Search Engine Optimization they usually make the same mistakes right from the start. One of these mistakes is going for the “instant gratification” so to speak, rather than taking the time to build something of quality that will ensure success. They stuff keywords, force them into the content in unnatural places, steal content to get pages up quickly,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], take links from anyone with PR, and so on. Just as in life,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], these “quick fix” approaches will get you no where in the long run. You can take my word for it, or you can learn the hard way. Most will take the latter, which is fine, as long as the lesson is learned. The best way to solve this issue is to change the way you think about SEO. Instead of just feeding the search engine programs what you assume they want, try you actually provide what that person typing in that keyword is actually looking for while using your expertise to optimize that site around your keywords in the most naturally looking way possible. This might take more creativity than adding your site to 100 directories but in the long run you will achieve much more success. More people will link to you and your risk of being banned becomes irrelevant.
These are just a few ways on how to take a natural approach to SEO. If you take this mindset towards your projects your rankings will increase dramatically while giving a stronger foundation to keep you their. Most will not see the value in this article, but that’s okay, they will only make it easier for the ones who do. Well enough talk of Search Engine Optimization the South Florida sunshine awaits me outside.
I’ve been doing Search Engine Optimization in South Florida for a few years now. Last weekend I was basking in our beautiful sun, and it hit me,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the best things in life are natural. This isn’t only true for life, but also for SEO. In SEO this natural way of doing things isn’t practiced nearly as much as it should be, allow me to explain.
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1. Mix up your keyword – Throughout your content and coding add words within your keyword. This alone will make your site look more natural,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], if you were naturally writing about that topic this is how it would happen. Put a “in” or and “at” in the middle, if everything else is done correctly this won’t hurt you.
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In February 2004 Derek Eastman and I were invited as guests at the annual dinner of The Bushido Za Zen International Society by its Chairman Mr Arnold Davies Hanshi an old student of Kenshiro Abbe Sensei and a close friend of my own good friend Bill Woods Sensei.

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In February 2004 Derek Eastman and I were invited as guests at the annual dinner of The Bushido Za Zen International Society by its Chairman Mr Arnold Davies Hanshi an old student of Kenshiro Abbe Sensei and a close friend of my own good friend Bill Woods Sensei.

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So how do you get out of debt without borrowing more money? You reduce your costs, increase your income you save money for emergencies, and anything you can send your Creditors to Get Your Debt paid off as soon as possible.
Without you May be able to negotiate a lower interest rate or a better payment plan with your creditors. It is certainly worth a try.
I do not want ook Consider a consolidation loan. Again,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the principle of "just does not make sense. You're wiping the slate clean and unless you are somehow unlike 99.9% of people who try to borrow their way out of debt, you start loading up the cards again for a very short period of time.
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Unfortunately, it is far more typical than you might think. If you are in debt, what you should absolutely not consider this to:
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The first thing that comes to mind is to consider that we have not made yourself. Just stop and think for a minute,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. You are in debt. You got into debt because you borrowed money. Why on earth would you think borrowing money from debt is a good idea?
So MS. Broke and took a second mortgage on your house, that she could "This consolida your loan. She rolled my credit card, auto and student loan debt right Mortgage and had a flawless reputation. Ahhhh ... she "could breathe again.
There is no magic trick that you get out of debt. Borrowing what you got in trouble in. You can not count on borrowing more money to get you. What are you out of debt since that time,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], discipline,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and perhaps some additional work.
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If you intend to borrow money to get out of debt, I think you have to ask yourself if you really want to get out of debt. If you do, then no more to borrow money. Even five year old can tell you that there will be more debt.
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In February 2004 Derek Eastman and I were invited as guests at the annual dinner of The Bushido Za Zen International Society by its Chairman Mr Arnold Davies Hanshi an old student of Kenshiro Abbe Sensei and a close friend of my own good friend Bill Woods Sensei.

[auosyfoai]

When you step it up for yourself and transform whatever you want to transform in your life (not need, but WANT to transform) the Universe is there, waiting for you to step into your brilliance!
You are each here for a divine, unique purpose. It’s time to make the choices you need to make, the transformations you need to create, so that you don’t get to the end of your life and look back and say, “If only…�
I recently made the choice – (and it was,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], on one level,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], a very tough decision for me) to really invest in myself. I invested to the point that it was really uncomfortable. But you know what? The universe brought abundance to me almost immediately. And then more. And more. The more I have stepped it up, the more the Universe brought it forward.
They were afraid that life as we know it would stop. And it certainly is, I hope! We are being asked to step up more, to be so responsible that we make the decisions necessary to become all we can be. The planet is up-vibrating and we are being asked to do and be more: brilliant, responsible, aware, caring, peaceful, grateful and serving.
Personal transformation is not selfish. It is not egotistical or self-centered to want to be the best person you can be. It is when people feel “less than� that they feel the need to prove their point, strike out, cause strife,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], hurt people. Those feelings are, obviously, evidence of the amount of pain someone is in.
You know why? Because I told the Universe that I was ready,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
One of my mentors recently said to me: “Here’s what you should be afraid of: that you get to the end of your life and didn’t do what you were meant to do here. THAT should scare the shit out of you.�
Because we are all connected – everything you do, affects everyone else on some level.
If you are not being all you can be, you are not encouraging those around you to be all they can be. We all lead – either by default or by choice. Leading by choice happens because you are making choices and active decisions in your life!
And, the more I grow,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the more I can help others grow. The ripple effect.
The more you shine your light in the world, the more others are drawn to that goodness,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], that beauty, that power. The more they want to have that for themselves.
But it’s not always that overt,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
Now,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], more than ever, the planet needs you to step up. It needs you to transform so that you can live the life you are here to lead. No excuses. Fears are inevitable, but that is where courage comes in. You do it anyway – not just for yourself,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but for the Tribe of One that we are a part of on this planet.
Each one of us has a place that wants to be healed, a pain that stops us from moving forward in our lives. Healing that place happens when you make the decision and then create the steps to move forward – from a place of exploration and knowing that you will take decisive action – into what’s next. It’s about the kind of person you want to be in this life, the kind of effect you want to have on humanity. It’s about really stepping into your authenticity and power so that you can bring your light more brightly into the world.
Ask yourself, “What was I put here to do?�…
You raise the energy of the planet when you are being all that you can be.
By Teresa M,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Goetz
See all Articles by Teri GoetzSee Teri Goetz's Expert PageGet Updates on Life LessonsGet Updates on Teri Goetz Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet
We are poised for world-wide change. We have just passed the winter solstice, the end of the Mayan calendar. People called for the world to end. That didn’t happen.
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You are here to serve the planet and yourself in whatever way is unique to each of you,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. And it is time.
And it did. And I am not going to let that happen to me, and it is my desire that it not happen to any of you… or anyone at all.
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[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]

[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]

[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]


In February 2004 Derek Eastman and I were invited as guests at the annual dinner of The Bushido Za Zen International Society by its Chairman Mr Arnold Davies Hanshi an old student of Kenshiro Abbe Sensei and a close friend of my own good friend Bill Woods Sensei.

[auosyfoai]

By Amit,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]
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So we come down to the simple fact that it's all about money and what makes the world go round!
What makes the world go round
Of course, there are bank overdrafts, credit cards and savings of different systems available. They are all very clear part of the financial system today's lifestyle, and we certainly do not want to be without any of them. Various stores also have their own shopping card. Everything is available to encourage the spending of money that you have,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], maybe not.
Gold prices rise,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], interest rates and the housing tends to fluctuate, sometimes those "for" and sometimes the opposite is true for the moment, worst of all is the high price of gas for the car daily. It just seems to go in and drag until all production and production costs along with it, so it is very high cost structure and,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], of course, difficult for those who have low incomes or the people.
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So to make ends meet, many of the world's population must have at least two jobs to support their families. It is an exhausting way of life is pure existence, but not really enjoyable way of life. There always is and always will be "haves" and "have-nots." This,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], unfortunately, what they're doing now is full of greed and envy in the world, but also makes it more exciting life we ​​all people with different ideas and needs to transform into "Want." That would be disastrous if we were like,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and oh so boring.
When living in a precise monetary budget appears to be impossible,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], so it is very difficult to meet the payment for the most basic needs. There are people working on the envelope system, dividing their income has increased and putting it into envelopes for weekly expenses. This method can actually work very well. Any money left over from the essential requirements of the week are considered a luxury.
On today's market and prices of necessary goods, it is necessary to establish the costs and to consider very carefully before spending. Gone are the days when one could just skip randomly caught in the eye on what is now a lot of thought must be put into it.
Since the exchange system to pay for the goods,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the end of the world used the money as we know it. Currency used throughout the country and experiencing a lot of names. We have a sterling, euro, rand,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], dollars, rubles, and many others, that there are too many to mention individually. Whatever it is,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or into banknotes and coins, it requires substantial part of their everyday lives,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and we can not do without it. Sometimes, people may find it lacking at all other times at all, especially as the end of the month, and one has run out of cash in hand!
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In February 2004 Derek Eastman and I were invited as guests at the annual dinner of The Bushido Za Zen International Society by its Chairman Mr Arnold Davies Hanshi an old student of Kenshiro Abbe Sensei and a close friend of my own good friend Bill Woods Sensei.

[auosyfoai]

The next step after goals is planning your actions. You can find a list of 39 planning questions and a set of tools to help you build your action plan at .
• Once per month, meet with a small group of people you trust to review what you’re doing,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], where you’re headed, what you’ll do in the next month,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and get ideas for how you can achieve more and shake off any nagging hassles.
• Second, once you know where you want to go,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], commit to a goals routine. If you have already done so, bully for you! It’ll help you achieve. In any case, take care to keep your goals routine simple, and to visit it frequently. The simpler it is, the easier it is to stick with it. A simple roadmap can help you build and stick to your own goals routine. Below is one that is easy to follow in your journey to sales success:
First, people who have goals know where they want to go. Contrary to what you might read in other books about goal setting, you don’t have to sort out your life’s purpose in order to achieve success in sales. All you need to do is set a target. It can be as simple as having an annual revenue goal, and having the answer to the question, “Do I really want to achieve this badly?”
Some of the highest-achieving goal setters just write their goals on one sheet of paper and stick it in the top drawer of their desk. One person we worked with for years keeps a Word file on his desktop, and reopens the document each week to review and update the progress.
A colleague of mine who’s a young serial entrepreneur has a sign over his computer. It reads, “Goal: Own the San Francisco 49ers.” And it has a date that’s not so far away.
Author's Bio:&nbsp,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];
• Review your goals first thing in the morning every day. Say your big picture goal out loud, then review your action plan for the day. This should only take a few minutes. At the end of each day, review how the day went, and set goals and actions for the next day. In the time you might take to drink a cup of coffee (if you down it as fast as I do), you will have accomplished this review.
• As you’re crafting your goals,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you should also take your big-picture goal and check to see that it aligns to your shorter-term goals and actions.
I’d say “good luck” but you don’t need luck. Set your goals and your actions, and you’ll make your own.
• On Friday, or during the weekend, review the week and set goals and actions for the next week. Do this with a colleague who can be a “goals partner” so to speak. Your goals partner can be a peer, a mentor, a coach,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or a friend,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but it’s someone you work with explicitly each week to make sure you’re on top of your goals, staying committed, and pushing yourself.
When we talk I always ask about progress. Last week I asked him,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], “Can you at least buy the 22ers yet?”
One caveat with goal setting: the process of setting them can shine a light on the fact that you’re not yet even near where you want to be. Don’t worry ‘bout it. Remember that the road to success is always under repair. Live by goals and you won’t get lost on the side streets, wondering to yourself why you’re not there yet.
Interestingly enough, since he just sold his first company and is now leading a major venture-backed organization, he’s probably about that far away.
There are two important things that set apart sales people, sales managers and leaders who live by their goals and those who don’t.
• Once per year,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], set your targets for the next year. Make sure you ask yourself, “What do I need to do to get my big picture goal?” When you’re done with your goals and annual plan, ask yourself, “If I get done what I’m about to do,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], will it help me get to my big-picture goal?” Make sure it does!
Also, don’t let not having the perfect template or detailed tracking mechanism stop you from getting started. This is a form of goal procrastination best to avoid.
Rainmakers, those in the top 10% of all sales performers, believe in the power of goals and action plans. Just like my 22er (for now) friend, those who truly want to reach the elite status don’t get their by accident – they live by goals and they are committed to doing what they need to do to achieve.
Progress notwithstanding,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], his goal is set and he knows where he wants to go.
• Once per quarter, review your progress toward your annual goal. During this meeting step back and ask yourself, “What do I absolutely positively need to get done over the next three months to achieve my annual goals?” Set no more than three priorities for the next quarter that you’ll direct all your passion,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], energy and intensity toward so you can stay on track.
By Mike Schultz
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Sales people need to do the same, because if you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there. But you might not be so happy when you arrive.
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In February 2004 Derek Eastman and I were invited as guests at the annual dinner of The Bushido Za Zen International Society by its Chairman Mr Arnold Davies Hanshi an old student of Kenshiro Abbe Sensei and a close friend of my own good friend Bill Woods Sensei.

[auosyfoai]

By bik gurung
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In February 2004 Derek Eastman and I were invited as guests at the annual dinner of The Bushido Za Zen International Society by its Chairman Mr Arnold Davies Hanshi an old student of Kenshiro Abbe Sensei and a close friend of my own good friend Bill Woods Sensei.

[auosyfoai]

What we define as real is based on our past history - - experiences,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], perceptions, etc. All kinds of possibilities exist in any given set of circumstances, but we can chose which ones to perceive and how to perceive them. This selection process is shaped, molded, and created by us because of our unique psychology and the society in which we live.
Author's Bio:
Don't collect trading stamps; deal with the isues immediately. When an individual walks away from an interaction without having communicated a need or a feeling. the situation is ripe for "collecting a
trading stamp." Years ago, people collected scores of trading stamps to cash them in later for some large prize. Some individuals save up petty annoyances, little angry feelings, insecurities, or anxieties to case them in later for some deeper feeling. The result is usually a major argument. If the small feeling or anxiety had been communicated when it occurred, the result could have led to a resolution with closure and elimination of the negative feeling. Make attempts to reinterpret negative perceptions into more positive ones.
This situation is a common one - - a marriage that seems stable; a relationship that appears committed; a spouse that tends to be predictably positively involved. Then, one day, seemingly out of the clear blue, one of them informs the other that the marriage is over and has been for a very long time. The other spouse is shocked - - had no idea that this was about to occur. When asked if there were signs, he or she invariably replies, "No."
Published Date: 2004
Early Marriage Slippage
3. All couples experience minor disagreements. In and of themselves, arguments generally are not problematic for relationships. They happen on a fairly regular basis, are resolved and forgotten. However, if they begin to increase in number and/or intensity, or if the same issues keep cropping up remaining unresolved, then they could signal a deterioration of the relationship. Frequent arguments could also signal what is called the pursuer-distancer theme. The couple is comfortable with a certain level of intimacy. Once their closeness increases, they both become uncomfortable. Arguing with each other creates distance, serving to bring them back to a more comfortable level of intimacy. The distancing effect of constant bickering produces a frustration and self-defeating cycle, such that, when one partner seeks greater distance from the other, then the other is stimulated to react by seeking greater closeness with the distancing partner, who now in turn must seek even ! greater distance. This cycle ends when the "cat and mouse" game exceeds the tolerance level of either partner and derails the relationship. Bruce M. constantly sexually pursued Susan M. She rejected him on a regular basis. During therapy, it was suggested that Bruce stop approaching Susan and that Susan would approach him sexually when she was interested. This resulted in a much greater response on Susan's part; however, it did not solve the problem because when Susan began approaching Bruce, he rejected her. The real issues were fears of intimacy, vulnerability, and engulfment.
8. Poor communications often arise because of one of three difficulties: (1) poor communication skills, (2) inability to express feelings, (3) avoidance of intimacy. A person with poor communication skills has chosen or been trained to be either highly verbal or non-verbal. Two people having different communication styles may be at cross purposes while talking to each other. When one spouse is highly verbal, the other may hesitate becoming involved in any discussion because of the apparent verbal superiority of the other. These problems may manifest by a reluctance to verbalize feelings or needs, leading to frustration and resentment. Lack of awareness, understanding, and appreciation of differences in communication styles can contribute to increasing conflict and feelings of alienation. In other cases, individuals may have difficulty asserting/expressing themselves. This problem is often directly related to a problem of low self esteem. In other cases, fears of rejection/retaliation may underlie the communication problem. One partner may avoid confrontations or sensitive areas of interactions because s/he fears intimacy or feels reluctant to aggravate the other.
Enjoy the silence. Relax. Don't feel the need to control or run the conversation. Don't keep talking when there is really nothing left to say. Start Listening. You may even want to create specific periods of calm and reflection when the two of you simply spend time completely alone, undisturbed, yet not "discussing" anything. Examine and evaluate feelings of guilt and anxiety.
We all make such statements at one point or another; at times, they may actually be realistic perceptions. This, however,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], is not what we are referring to. Our concern here is when the negative perceptions of persons and circumstances are recurring themes or typical patterns - - when the person generally choosess to see himself.herself negatively. One step to more positive communication is to restate negative perceptions to include more positive ones. For example, when you are feeling particularly negative about yourself, acknowledge that all possible perceptions exist. Talk to yourself; tell yourself that there are alternatives to the negative definition that you are dwelling on. This kind of healthy thinking involves seeing both negative and positive aspects of yourself. Moving toward positive perceptions, of course, tends to be associated with less guilt, anxieties, fears, and insecurities. Gradually, you can learn to view yourself in a more realitistic, comfort! able fashion. Avoid patterns of communication in which someone is a loser. Aim,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], instead, for two winners.
Couples often use the sexual arena to act out problems they are having in the non-sexual areas of their relationship.Dianne M. and Ron M. came for therapy because Dianne would not have sex with Ron. At first glance it appeared that she did not like sex, receiving no gratification or pleasure. Closer examination revealed that she felt powerless in the marriage, with Ron controlling all finances and making all major and minor decisions. As a result she felt unimportant and insignificant. Refusing to have sex with him was one area in their relationship that she could control. Thus, the marital conflict expanded to the bedroom.
4. Sexual apathy may reflect a spouse's fear of intimacy/rejection or may be a form of payback. In the first case, when a spouse fears intimacy/rejection, the lack of sexual interest may serve as a way of avoiding closeness or being rejected in order to avoid a less than desired performance. In the second case, rejection of the others' sexual needs, along with one's own, often is a spouse's attempt to
compensate for feeling or powerlessness/hurt in another area of the relationship. It is a way of paying the other one back or of gaining "bargaining chips" in an ongoing struggle to manipulate the other's behavior.
Generally, when couples come for marriage counseling, they have already experienced a great deal of pain and their marriage is often at risk. Among some of the more typical presenting problems are alcohol or drug abuse, sexual dysfunction, spouse abuse (physical or emotional), continual conflict, and /or extramarital relationships.
A common anticommunication technique is the "attack" statement such as, "You're a jerk" or "You're stupid." Often,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the true source of frustration with a mate originates out of a sense of failure in oneself.
One reason why this occurs is that many of us cannot tolerate silence. We feel a constant need to keep the conversation going- - silence is something to avoid. What usually occurs is that we are constantly thinking ahead to new topics to bring up while the other is talking. When we exhaust all possible topics, the conversation lapses into what we probably would call boredom.
When new responses are made to us which we define as negative, we generally exhibit displeasure, almost automatically- - in a preprogrammed way. Concentrate on not responding automatically; encourage each other to bracket or suspend and examine initial reactions. Beware of transforming internal anxieties about self into critical attacks on others.
10. Jealousy can threaten a marriage. Jealousy is often a preexisting condition for one or both of the partners. It can either be accidentally or deliberately triggered. Jealousy often reflects a person's lack of self concept in one of two ways. In the first situation, the partner could be expressing the need to possess the other. This is manifestested by one trying to control the other's activities or by holding him/her accountable for his/her behavior. In the second situation, the one partner's self concept is in need of constant reassurances. The person needs to be constantly reminded through continued attention that s/he is loved and therefore okay. This condition often flares up quickly into an intolerable jailor-prisoner scenario. Before situations get too far out of hand, there are some very immediate and effective measures that individuals can take to address these signs of early marital slippage. Initially, individuals need to be sensitive to the appearance of these signs. Then, partners need to alert each other to the presence of such signals and request cooperation in the exploration of them. Both partners need to talk about the situation until concerned feelings and perceptions have a favorable resolution. If these initial suggestions are not helpful, then partners need to stop interactions when they begin to deteriorate. This may also facilitate the resolution of early warning signals by placing the marital partners in a better frame of mind from which to approach these issues. Below are some helpful guidelines which couples can emply to help their communications.
9. Sometimes, "things" come between a couple. These "things" can be represented by anything or anyone. Some examples are: a job, an interest/hobby, overfunctioning in a parent role and underfunctioning in the husband/wife role, etc. This could signal either that the marriage is not yet established in a committed way or that it is in the process of deterioration. If this process is allowed to go unattended and unchecked, then marital strife is sure to follow.
Let's assume the husband comes home from work and immediately begins yelling at his wife about the condition of the house. He may well be attacking his partner for reasons other than the messy house. He may have performance anxieties about himself in general, and particularly with sex. Perhaps he's concerned about impotence but is psychologically unable to acknowedge this negative fear. It's too threatening for him. With his complaint, he creates a safe situation for himself whereby his wife becomes angry with him and refuses him sex. Then, he doesn't have to worry about performance. His guilt and anxieties are alleviated for the moment, only to return at some later point - - probably with more intensity. Acknowledging and communicating negative feelings to the partner will rectify the situation. Avoid patterns of denial/discounting. Responsibility shared is more rewarding than responsibility denied.
Once a partner has been open enough to communicate an existing problem, it is crucial that the mate not interpret as a personal affront. For example, if the husband communicated his fear of impotence to his wife, she could respond in several ways. She may decide that what he's actually saying has nothing to do with impotence but rather with the fact that he no longer finds her attractive. This makes her a mind reader, and the honest message from her husband becomes totally discounted; she substitutes what she thinks is the real reason. Now, if she verbalizes this to him, he may attempt to reassure her otherwise. Even at that,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the focus has now shifted away from his anxiety onto his wife. He must now verbalize his fears again (Probably a painful and unpleasant admission for him) if he's going to establish open coimmunication. A further complication might be that he now becomes hesitant to communicate for fear that the conversation may center on whether or not he thinks his wife is attractive. Listen and look. Tune in to your partner.
Some couples communicate in a way that results in a winner and a loser; someone gains at the expense of the other. This can be called "zero summing." The mindset is, "If one is right, then the other must be wrong,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]," or "If she is right, he must be selfish and inconsiderate." In actuality, this kind of thinking only causes two losers. When this situation exists, the two individuals are off balance. It is always depressing to be the loser, but in zero-summing situations, the victory of the winner is often shallow and lonely because they've won only at the expense of their partner. To avoid playing the zero summing game, focus on being a team where each helps the other to win but not at the expense of the other. Free yourself from pre-programmed responses.
6. Predictable cycles in marriage refer to repetitive patterns that do not have positive outcomes. They are often played out by one partner's actions producing as strong a reaction in the other, which then touches off an even stronger reaction in the first partner. Each reaction is stronger than the previous one. The couple becomes stuck in this vicious cycle. The rule here is that each person must say something a little worse than what was just said (x+1). This creates a very predictable yet escalating cycle. The process usually does not end until they frighten each other, either by resorting to physical violence or devastating each other with words. When dating, Roger and Sally H. showered each other with compliments. Each would attempt to outdo the other with gifts, cards expressing their love, and compliments. Shortly after they were married, this pattern, each trying to outdo the other, took a negative shift and the discussions began to escalate in a destructive manner.
7. Little irritating things refer to the small annoyances of everyday living. If they become too much of a focus, they can become big bothersome things. Leaving the top off the toothpastes is the often used example. Representative of the little annoying things mentioned in therapy are: bad breath, body odor, too long toenails, leaving cabinet doors opened, leaving little hairs in the bathroom sink, etc. When a person consistenly finds his or her spouse's behavior irritating, it usually indicates that something else is upsetting him/her, either about him/her self, the other partner or their relationship. The troubled partner may not be aware of what is bothering him/her, but may focus on a symbolic minor feature of the partner's appearance or behavior. Unless action is taken by either partner to explore what is troubling him/her, it can mushroom into unintelligible and nonsensical blowups, leaving both partners devastated and not knowing what is happening or why.
Manifestations of marital slippage generally fall into 10 broad
categories: spousal perceptual negation,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], sarcastic teasing, frequent disagreement over minor issues, sexual and/or marital apathy, need for validation by others, predictable cycles or lack of romance in the marriage, spousal irritations, communication problems, a "thing" coming between them, and jealousy.
Don't be afraid to delve into yourself. Acknowledge the existence of negative perceptions within yourself so that you can take steps to transform them into positive ones.
There are times when you feel guilty or anxious about certain interactions. Question yourself about where these feelings may be coming from. Have you provided yourself with information so that you can examine the intellectual basis of the negative emotion? Have you communicated the guilt or anxiety in the present so that your partner can respond and thereby help to create closure on the negative emotion? Have you communicated the feeling so that it doesn't intensify over time, so that you don't begin to collect trading stamps? Have you attempted to translate the negative feelings into more positive ones?
Sometimes, because of various socialization factors,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], one may consistently choose to view himself, herself negatively. Such an individual usually chooses negative statements such as, "She doesn't love me. Why should she? I'm not a worthwhile person." The associated emotional sstate is depression. Another statement based on negative perceptions of the world in general might be, "He won't like me sexually," The thought is, "Why should he? I'm sure I don't know how to do it right." The associated emotional feeling is anxiety.
5. Validation through the other in similar to problem number one in that it represents the flip side of the coin. Whereas number one involves the consistent negation of alternate values; validation through other involves an acceptance of all of a spouse's values. Here one partner continuously seeks the other's approval or help and in so doing is extremely sensitive to the other's disapproval or lack of enthusiasm. In this situation the individual's self worth is determined by the opinions and behavior of the other partner. Both problems involve identity issues in that one person's sense of identity is determined by either negating or accepting the other's frame of reference. Collen L. was raised in a strict Catholic home. Coming from a large family, her behavior was strictly kept under control by her parents and older siblings. When she married Jim, she devoted her entire life to being a good wife and mother. Her identity was determined by him in that all of her interests and time were scheduled around his needs. The slightest hint of criticism from him devasted her. He then had to spent enormous amounts of time consoling her, pledging his love to her before she feel
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1. Spousal perceptual negation ocurs when spouses view an event differently and one spouse cannot tolerate any viewpoint other than his/her own. For example, birthdays were always important to Mary M. When she was a child,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], her parents lavished her with presents and she always had a big birthday celebration. John M., on the other hand, came from a very large family who rarely celebrated holidays. Birthdays were considered "just another day." So when John did not send Mary a birthday card, she felt that he did not love her anymore. Her marital expectations were not met and she was disappointed. He thought she was making a fuss over nothing. Ultimately,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], this problem could have the potential of becoming a major source of difficulty in the marriage. Remaining unchecked,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it could even possibly destroy the marriage because eventually the intolerance of differing viewpoints would increase. Generally, the need for a spouse to deny differing viewpoints occurs for one of three reasons: It represents: (1) a learned way of dealing with others which has been acquired through one's family of origin experiences, (2) a power or control issue, or (3) the reluctance to take responsibility for one's actions.
2. Sarcastic teasing is often a flirtation with disaster in disguise.
Harmless little love pats soon grow into little digs. The little digs, fueled by feelings of hurt and indignation, can lead to major battles. The first time Sally L. teased Walter L. about his cold-fish behavior in bed, he laughed it off as a minor annoyance. When she said it three months later in front of his friends from work, he was more than mildly annoyed. He soon started to become sensitized to any negative remarks that she made, interpreting them as criticism. Being in a supposedly loving and caring relationship for Walter soon became an experience based on his capacity to tolerate Sally's hostile and derogotory remarks.
Sal and Gloria were married for twenty one years. They had two sons who were presently away at college. They were married quite young and when Gloria initiated counseling, they were both in their early forties. It was already too late. Their marriage was over.
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Abstract
Sal had informed Gloria the week before that he was leaving her and that he had been involved in a long term extramarital affair for the past six years. Gloria was shocked! She had absolutely no idea. When asked if there were any signs of his distancing in the marital relationship, she strongly replied that there were not. He never went out in the evening. He was very predictable. Their sex life was the same as it always had been. He was involved in family life and seemed to be concerned about her and the children.
One of the most difficult things for couples to do is to really listen to each other. Oftentimes, we may be listening to someone reporting a situation, an incident, a problem, or a feeling, and we're thinking ahead for something we can say, a similar story we can share which aligns with what they're saying. We're listening, of course,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but we're not really hearing what the person is saying. When we use this method of communicating, we lose much valuable information.
These are not the kinds of situations we wish to address. Rather, the issues we wish to explore are more insidious and generally more common in marital relationships. We are more interested in the early pre-conditions of marital risk, those events which can act as danger signals to couples who are functioning quite well. We are interested in marital slippage- - the manifestations, the signals (both emotional and behavioral), and the curative strategies that couples can employ to reenergize their marriage and/or to reduce the chances of further slippage.
Open communication provides the basis for married couples to trust. Once an individual begins to communicate openly, the groundwork is laid for the mate to receprocate. When this positive cycle is begun, the couple has the potential for higher levels of satisfaction leading to rewarding intimate awareness.
By Joan D. Atwood, Ph.D.
See all Articles by Joan D. Atwood, Ph.D.See Joan D. Atwood, Ph.D.'s Expert PageGet Updates on MarriageGet Updates on Joan D. Atwood, Ph.D. Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet
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By Dean McDurmont
See all Articles by Dean McDurmontGet Updates on Legal ServicesGet Updates on Dean McDurmont Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet
The greater part of Mesothelioma attorneys give clients entire details on facts and figures on previous Mesothelioma cases that they have managed with. This makes it possible for the problematic party to hire a New York Mesothelioma lawyer, who can help him to get defensible compensation for the loss done to his health while working in a particular company having opening to Asbestos. The perils of Mesothelioma increase with longer disclosure time or experience, to dangerous levels of asbestos. Some people with only succinct exposure, however,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], have also got infected with this disease. The plaintiff can also register a swindler case on his employer with the support of New York Mesothelioma lawyer. Now,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the job of looking out for a veteran Mesothelioma lawyer has to be initiated. In this field,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you can look out for the same over web. Well,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], internet is the excellent kind of place that has enabled people to find out just about everything. Be it about lawyer, officially authorized discussion or buying any product, everything is there.
According to the New York Mesothelioma lawyer, more than 3,500 workers on average are detected with Mesothelioma and other types of diseases associated with asbestos every year. The present data shows that New York is the place with the greatest occurrence of Mesothelioma diseases. The profession of a lawyer is all about playing with proofs and gathering nuances of the case assigned to him. And when it comes to managing or dealing with Mesothelioma case,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the New York Mesothelioma lawyer has to consider minute aspects of this cancerous infection and its causation factors. It is a quite obviously known fact that Mesothelioma is a life threatening disease that gets infected through excessive revelation to asbestos,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], which is type of a building material found in mines or construction sites.
New York mesothelioma lawyer is intended to get the maximum benefits for the clients,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], who have suffered at the hands of their employers for inhaling asbestos accidently.
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One usher should remain behind after the service to check for any lost property. The best man should help gather together all the relatives and ushers. they have to register on the site and make a public profile by keeping all essential information that are required in finding a partner for dating. One thing you should always remember in registration of these sites that keep your brief and concise information about yourself on the site that should not be either too short or too long.
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I trust my excitement, Some call this “The Law of Attraction”—that like energy attracts like energy.
Trying to reconcile with your ex just because you're feeling lonely can not only result in you breaking up again, so don't try to get back together if you intend to look for revenge and get back at him or her for leaving you. What about those who want to be single and married? I am sure that someday that person is going to walk into my life and I am going to be swept off my feet again,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Instead of taking the time to type her info into your phone,and you would have loved to talk to her and get her name and phone number,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], These are the logical consequences for the misbehavior. When your child was an infant.
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